Desirable Me

westishere:

Writing a bit of my feels after rewatching Thor.

Basically summing up my impression of Loki in the drawing.

Desperate and at loss about his own identity, he attempts to destroy everything about his origin that he despises, wiping away every single trace as if it has never existed. Using his own Asgardian hands to kill his Jotun identity. Wounded but not understood by anyone, he could only inflict pain on himself.

Gosh I have so much feels about Loki’s character. ;;____;;

————————————————————

uhh more babbling here

like I’ve vomited an entire essay about my feels, reading it will be so so much appreciated ;;w;;

It’s different when we’re talking about gods. They cannot be judged the same ways as we judge normal people and relationships. Mortals live for only a lifetime, but gods live for thousands of years. Imagine the boundless time they have to live, play, learn skills and develop relationships with each other. We’re not talking about several decades of brotherhood, we’re talking about several millenniums of close relationship. I really can’t imagine how strong their bond is, having spend so much time together. In such a long time span, they must have had happy times, arguments, fights; Loki may be envious of Thor, Thor may be annoyed by Loki’s trickery, but they always love each other from the bottom of their hearts.

So basically it should take a horribly big deal to break such a relationship, with his brother and father. Discovering his identity at the most inconvenient moment when the two races are at the brink of war, Loki cannot accept his true identity. With Odin falling into Odinsleep and without Thor by his side, Loki could only swallow all the hurt and attempt to carry out his plan. There were no evil intentions about the plan, but only Loki’s impulsiveness and selfishness to wipe out traces of his origin and to prove to Odin that he is worthy. He is so determined to show that he belongs to Odinson, he as a prince of Asgard, that he is willing to kill his own father Laufey. He lied to Thor in order to keep him from coming back and interfere his plan, maybe he isn’t prepared, doesn’t want Thor to know the truth of his identity yet.

But then things all went downhill after the Warriors Three went to Midgard. No one knows his true intentions thus everything they see is Loki banishing his brother and attempting to take over the throne. Misunderstandings that grew deeper and became more complicated, involving too many people and too many things until there is no turning back. At this stage, he can do nothing but to continue his plan, is has to be successful. It has to be successful or there will be nothing left for him.

Thor’s return made things even worse and is probably the major cause of Loki going mad. That only person that Loki wanted to keep the truth from, returned at the most inconvenient situation with complete misconceptions that cannot be explained anymore. Thor knows nothing, he doesn’t know what Odin told Loki, he doesn’t know Loki’s newly discovered identity, thus he doesn’t know why Loki is acting that way. Thor’s relationship with Jane fueled Loki’s rage even more; to Loki, the only person that he hangs onto, that could save him from everything, was taken away and changed by someone else, someone unimportant. Out of jealously and the recognition that no one is there for him anymore, Loki loses the last strand of his sanity. Perhaps it pains him more for the fact that everything, from Thor’s banishment to his hands turning blue in Jotunheim to the discovery about his orgin to all the disaster happened after that, was all because of him letting the frost giants in. He may blame himself for everything that happened. And Odin’s final word just pushed him over the edge. (I still think that’s a very wrong thing to say in that situation though ;__;)

Even though Loki has his silver tongue as a liesmith, he fails to communicate in issues concerning himself. Perhaps he was not used to talking about such things, perhaps the only person he could talk to was not available. I think Thor is kind of innocent the entire time, he never knew what happened to Loki and his actions, so he was all “Why brother I’m sorry for whatever I have done” while actually Loki’s actions have nothing to do with him. Loki should be aware that Thor doesn’t know a thing but he just couldn’t tell him about it, so I believe Loki still have a soft spot for Thor, knowing that Thor still loves him even though he is all confused. I don’t know if Thor knows about Loki’s origin after Loki’s fall, but I suspects not, from the way Thor talks about Loki in the Avengers. I do hope that Thor finds out everything, but it’s not likely that Loki will tell him about it.

…and seeing Loki in the movie’s final scene on avengers made me died a little inside.